


what we have is so much better than what I knew before you

by WellyFullOfAle



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Husbands, M/M, conversation about uncomfortable sexual experiences, honeymoon shopping, mild references to kinky sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-26
Updated: 2017-03-26
Packaged: 2018-10-11 01:04:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10451541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WellyFullOfAle/pseuds/WellyFullOfAle
Summary: Based on a fic prompt on tumblr from smugfacesuggle for DasOniAaron jokingly suggests to Robert about something kinky and Robert feels uncomfortable because Chrissie used to be into kinky stuff and he used to just go along with it but that he feels really uncomfortable about it now.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a fic prompt on tumblr from smugfacesuggle for DasOni
> 
> Aaron jokingly suggests to Robert about something kinky and Robert feels uncomfortable because Chrissie used to be into kinky stuff and he used to just go along with it but that he feels really uncomfortable about it now.
> 
> Warning: conversational reference to previous uncomfortable sexual experiences

They’d been in this department store for coming on 45 minutes now, and for the last 40 of those minutes Aaron had grown increasingly bored of following Robert around the men’s clothing section and had decided to wander off around the store.

It was meant to be a nice thing for them to do together – shopping for a new wardrobe for their honeymoon – but after Aaron had spent precisely 7 minutes in Primark picking up 4 pairs of shorts, 7 long sleeved t-shirts, 2 pairs of swimming shorts and a new beach towel, he was done and ready for home.

Robert, however, hadn’t been quite so decisive.

“I’m not wearing any of this,” he’d sneered as he turned his nose up at the suggestions Aaron made for him. “Let’s go somewhere a bit more upmarket.”

Aaron had rolled his eyes at that.

“Alright, moneybags,” he’d teased. “The cheap stuff not good enough for ya?”

 “You know me,” he’d smirked back at his husband, and Aaron hadn’t been able to suppress the smile that covered his face.

His smile had dropped though by the time Robert had picked up, examined and rejected his fifth ridiculously overpriced white linen shirt, and Aaron found himself sighing, eye rolling, and rolling his shoulders as he’d become Robert’s shadow in the department store.

“Stop following me around,” Robert had teased him, although the beginnings of exasperation were clear to see.

“Sorry, ‘m bored,” Aaron replied, stretching out the word _bored_ like he needed Robert to understand how much he meant it.

“Go and find something for yourself then,” Robert dismissed as he picked up a beige linen shirt this time.

“Bought all my stuff,” Aaron muttered back.

“Well, just, go and find something else to amuse you then whilst I try stuff on – ”

“You’re trying stuff on?” Aaron interrupted, confused.

“Yes!” Robert snapped back. “I’ll text you when I’m done.”

Aaron exhaled with such force Robert couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow at his petulant child of a husband.

“Fine, see you in a bit,” Aaron conceded before wandering off in the direction of the home electronics section which he also had barely any interest in.

-s-

Robert was paying for his carefully selected honeymoon wardrobe when he got Aaron’s text.

He grimaced slightly when he saw the time on his phone and realised he’d taken so long with his purchases.

_Come find me on the third floor, got something to show you ;)_

Robert felt the corners of his mouth lift up into a smile. God knows what his husband had found to occupy himself with.

He positively skipped towards the escalators – having to complete a full circle around them before finding which direction the _up_ escalator left from – and bounded up to the third floor.

It was much smaller up there than the other floors, but as he glanced around he still couldn’t see his Aaron anywhere.

_To your left, back wall x_

He smirked, and he couldn’t help but feel a little turned on by this public game of hide and seek his husband had embroiled him into.

He made his way over in the direction Aaron had coerced him, but as he realised what he was heading towards he felt his smile fade and his stomach sink a little.

There was women’s lingerie all around him – delicate and pretty – but straight ahead he could see the pillar-box red of the walls in stark contrast, and a sign along the back wall saying _Over 18’s Only._

_Getting warmer_

Aaron text him, clearly able to see that Robert was nearing where he waited for him, but unaware of the unease growing inside of his husband.

A store assistant stood nearby – all vampish red lips and lashings of dark eye make-up – and he felt her eyes on him as he approached the back wall of the store with trepidation.

He felt the comfort of Aaron’s arms circling his waist from behind, and breathed in the scent of him in his embrace, and he noticed her tearing her gaze away from them as Aaron placed a kiss against his neck.

He closed his eyes and rolled his neck to give Aaron better access to that sweet spot on his neck that he loved so much; skin tingling with the sensation of Aaron’s lips pressed up against him; feeling the thrill of the sensation of Aaron’s breath against his ear as he tore his lips away from Robert’s neck to whisper into his ear.

“Wanna get kinky?” Aaron purred; tone dripping with suggestion and a hint of playful humour.

Robert snapped his eyes open at that, seeing that Aaron was holding up a black leather whip, and some questionably shaped objects whose purpose Robert had no intention of understanding.

Robert shrugged his husband off him and wriggled out of his embrace.

“No, Aaron,” he muttered quietly, looking to the ground and taking a step away from his husband.

Aaron laughed a little, suddenly a little embarrassed that his husband hadn’t jumped at the thought of being a little adventurous with him.

He frowned at the surprising reaction he was faced with.

“What’s up?” Aaron asked him, concerned.

Robert shrugged, turning to face Aaron but unable to look him in the eye.

“Robert, talk to me,” Aaron pressed, reaching forward to place a hand against Robert’s forearm and feeling the stab of rejection as Robert flinched away from him.

“Just leave it,” Robert insisted, before pushing past his husband and picking up pace in his efforts to get away from this damned section of the department store.

He didn’t know where he was heading, but he could vaguely hear Aaron calling after him, his voice getting further away as Robert picked up pace in his desperation to get away from _all of that_ ; to rid himself of _those memories_ all over again; to suppress them down and never revisit them.

He couldn’t be mad at Aaron – his husband had no way of knowing what he was dragging back up for him – but he’d felt the urge to run and he’d gone with it.

He was almost out of the front entrance of the store on the ground floor when he felt the familiar hand against his elbow, pulling him back around where his eyes met with Aaron’s, full of concern.

“Robert, stop,” he begged as Robert looked set to dart away from him again, and Robert could see then the panic in his husband’s expression, and he took a second to breathe and to attempt to bring himself back down to earth.

“Robert, I’m sorry,” Aaron continued, expression clouded over with concern. “I didn’t – I was only joking, ok?”

Robert nodded as he looked Aaron in the eye.

He exhaled, a slight element of relief washing over him as he let himself remember where he was, and where Aaron was, and that he didn’t need to pretend to be _that_ person any more.

He stepped forwards and placed a chaste kiss against Aaron’s lips.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Aaron asked tentatively.

Robert’s instinctive reaction was to brush it off, but he hesitated. This man stood before him wasn’t just _anyone._ He wasn’t someone who was going to laugh at him, or belittle him, or judge him for his past mistakes.

They’d been through enough together for Robert to know Aaron wouldn’t do that to him.

Aaron was someone who _understood_ him; who listened to his concerns and took them seriously – even if they seemed so insignificant put next to what he’d been through in his own life. Aaron _knew_ him, and it didn’t seem right for him to keep things from him.

So he looked Aaron in the eye, and he nodded gently, and he smiled with the rush of love that flowed through him.

“Let’s go and get a coffee,” Aaron suggested, and slid his hand down to take a hold of Robert’s as he walked them out of the shop.

-s-

“One Americano for my amazing husband,” Aaron smirked as he put the mammoth mugs down on the table in the corner of the Starbucks they’d found themselves in.

Robert looked up at him and rolled his eyes.

“You don’t have to be all nice to me just because I went a bit weird,” Robert laughed, shrugging off the way his heart was beating a little faster inside his chest with the knowledge that someone as incredible as Aaron Dingle actually cared enough to make him want to feel better.

“Shut up,” Aaron replied, and the smile on his face made Robert catch his breath in his throat.

He watched as Aaron took a slurp out of his builder’s-strength tea and rested back into the chair opposite him. He caught his eye, and smiled at him reassuringly. He knew Aaron wasn’t going to say it, but he was waiting for Robert to offer him some kind of explanation for his odd behaviour.

Robert took a sip from his own mug, and glanced around the coffee shop to check they weren’t being overheard before he took a deep breath.

“You’ll probably think I’m being stupid –”

“I won’t.”

Robert couldn’t help but smile at the unflinching nature of his husband’s support.

“Well, I probably overreacted – ”

“I’m sure you didn’t,” Aaron reassured him again.

“Right, well,” Robert started. “When I was with Chrissie, she was – she was _into_ all that stuff.”

Robert watched his husband’s reaction closely; aware of the absence of the usual way that Aaron shuddered whenever he mentioned her name.

“Sorry, I know you probably don’t wanna hear about it,” Robert conceded, taking another sip of his Americano.

“Well, can’t say I’m surprised,” Aaron half-grimaced, half-smiled back at him. “Pretty sure I found some questionable stuff in one of the drawers in your ensuite when I was staying at Home Farm that week.”

“Oh, yeah, sorry,” was all Robert could muster in reply.

“Had you down as a right kinky bastard,” Aaron teased playfully, aware he needed to toe the line a little.

“Well, it wasn’t mine,” Robert insisted, and Aaron instantly believed him. “It was all hers – she was obsessed with it all.”

Aaron let the silence linger, inviting Robert to continue.

“I didn’t like it. I didn’t like any of it,” he admitted, taking another glance around to check they were still far enough away from any prying ears. “I went along with it all, because…well because I felt like I had to go along with everything she wanted, back then. It always made me so uncomfortable, but there was something about it she loved – the power; the control. I tried to talk her out of it so many times, but she always thought I was just playing with her; teasing in a way. I’d always just give in, eventually, and let her carry on. I pretended I was into it, but I hated it all, and I know you were only messing, but when you were there, in amongst all of that _stuff,_ it just made me panic, I guess.”

He looked over at his husband, found him listening to every word intently.

“Robert, this is serious,” Aaron said as he looked up at him through concerned eyes.

“No, no it isn’t,” he insisted.

“If she made you do it against your will – ”

“It wasn’t like that, I promise you,” Robert assured him, all too aware of his husband and his past. “We were married, and I was an idiot and I would have done anything to keep that life I had with her – you know that, better than anyone. She never knew how much I hated it all. My priorities were all wrong, back then, and I compromised myself a little in order to keep her happy, yeah. I was so used to living a lie every day, anyway, that I suppose it just came quite easily to me. I just had to put on an act and pretend like I enjoyed it – like her being all powerful was what I wanted – but it wasn’t her fault, it – it wasn’t like she took advantage, or anything. She didn’t have a clue how much I hated it all.”

Aaron nodded, and Robert felt a pang of regret at having brought up the issue; should have assumed where Aaron’s mind would go.

They sat in silence for a few moments, each taking a drink from their mugs, and Robert watched Aaron’s face intently, aware there was something troubling him.

“What is it?” Robert questioned gently.

Aaron bit down on the inside of his gum and closed his eyes for a second.

“You – we – you let me tie your hands up, sometimes,” Aaron uttered hesitantly, and Robert only had to take one look into his eyes to understand his entire though process. “Is – do you –”

“No, Aaron, don’t you dare even think that,” Robert insisted, leaning over the table and taking Aaron’s hands in his. “That – us – it’s perfect, always. I would tell you, I promise, if there was anything I didn’t want to do. Look at today. When I’m with you, Aaron, I’m myself – completely myself – and it’s the reason I love you so much. I’ve never been able to be anything other than myself when I’m with you, Aaron, I promise.”

Aaron swallowed, and nodded as he held his husband’s gaze.

“So you don’t mind me doing it?” he asked quietly.

“Aaron, I promise you,” Robert paused as he took a look around to check once more for anyone listening in, and he lowered his voice down to an insistent whisper. “Our sex life – it’s off the charts, and you know it. There isn’t a single thing I’d change. Not a single thing, you hear me?”

Aaron smiled.

“Yeah, it’s not bad is it,” he replied, biting down on his lip.

Robert felt the sudden wave of desire wash over him, and he leant back in his chair as he smirked back at his husband, feeling nothing but _love_ and _lust_ and _longing_ for this incredible man he got to call his own.

“I don’t need anything more to make sex with you exciting, Aaron. Have you seen yourself?”

Aaron laughed, looking away as the blush crept over his cheeks.

“Shut up,” he replied coyly.

“Look, it’s not a big deal – it’s all in the past – it’s just, I suppose I’m glad you know now that I have absolutely no interest in any of that stuff, ok?”

Aaron nodded back at him.

“Okay,” he replied, a genuine smile findings its way onto his face. “You alright, then?”

Robert smiled.

“Yeah, I’m fine, honestly. I just freaked out a bit with the memory of it, that’s all.”

Robert finished off the rest of his coffee and placed the mug back down on the table.

“Shall we get home then, so I can show you what I’ve bought?”

“Yeah okay,” Aaron smiled as he finished his own tea and stood up. “I dread to think how much you’ve spent.”

Robert laughed, standing himself and leaning in to place a chaste kiss against his husband’s lips.

“You don’t wanna know,” he smirked. “But I guarantee you’re gonna think its money well spent.”

Aaron shook his head as he followed Robert out of the coffee shop, aware there was pretty much a one hundred percent chance that his husband was right.


End file.
